My sister frequently takes me to task for saying please and thank you too often. However, in my experience, these words can’t be over-used. I’m not talking about the politeness and courtesy aspect of these social niceties. I’m talking about how you can use them to interact better with others.

Everyday, we encounter dozens of acquaintances and people we don’t know; walking down the street, over the phone, in shops and at work. They may only receive a few seconds of our attention, or we may not notice them at all, but the way we engage with (almost) strangers can have a major effect on our productivity, mood and the way we are perceived by others whether we require or provide service.

1. Say thank you. Say it often and with feeling. Get into the habit of saying it whenever someone does something for you, no matter how insignificant. Say it to the person who gives you directions, the guy you’ve just ordered takeaway from, the girl who’s holding the door open for you. Smile. Say it like you mean it. I’ve worked in customer service, one way or another, for eleven years now, and nothing annoys me more than someone who doesn’t say thank you, particularly when I’ve gone out of my way to help them. That isn’t just a personal quirk. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve heard people mutter under their breath after an encounter with someone who doesn’t say thanks. It isn’t just a matter of being polite. We remember rudeness, we remember discourtesy, and we are less likely to do you a favour next time around.
2. Say please. A companion to the above. When you say thank you you probably should have already said please. The idea is the same. You are trying to convince someone to do something for you, and to do it to the best of their ability. This is more likely to happen if you ask nicely. When you use the word please, you are triggering their subconscious impulse to comply with your request. Think of it as hacking their brain, if you want. Smile when you say it. It’s a secret signal to others. Even when you are talking on the phone, your smile can be reflected in your voice.
3. Make eye contact. Eye contact is another one of those secret signals.
4. Offer to help. Do things for others. Be gracious. Make it clear that you’re happy to help out whenever needed. Follow through. Go above and beyond. Keep others informed. Ask questions. People like to talk about themselves. When actors wear prosthetic masks, they have to exagerate their facial expressions in order for normal expressions to appear on their ‘faces’. In the same way, when your job is to help people, you need to go the extra mile. Users or customers expect you to fix their problem, or answer their question, but wouldn’t it be wonderful if you could prevent the problem you know they’re going to have in 10 minutes, or answer the question they’re going to ask next?
5. Read these.
   • Seven Steps to Remarkable Customer Service It doesn’t matter if you’re not in software development: this article sets out a beautiful model of customer service on the support side. It’s what I dream about when I’m on my seventh call to ISP hell.
   • More Stupider User Tricks: IT horror stories Redux This article is the antithesis of the attitude you need for customer service. I don’t care if you think your customers are the stupidest thing since Homer Simpson; I don’t care if they hold a mouse upside down, or can’t seem to read the “NO EXIT” signs plastered over your entrance, you cannot let this attitude come out in your interactions with them. It’s called professionalism. I could devote a whole book (or at least a novelette) to my beliefs on this, and I wrote a post about it, but it boils down to this: if the article above sums up your views about your users or customers, you’re not the best person to help them.

In the end, it boils down to this. Some people will always be difficult, discourteous or downright impossible to help. If you’re lucky, those people will be in the minority. When dealing with one of those people, you need to decide whether to step up and handle their problem or whether you’re going to spend your (valuable) time irritating them, frustrating them and multiplying their rudeness back at them. Would you rather spend 20 minutes stalling someone because they’re annoying you or send them away satisifed after 5 minutes? I know which one I’d choose.